Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2016 21:47:22 GMT
Swantail didn't particularly like having to face her clanmates much nowadays, not after her ex-mate had left before she'd had the chance to say she wished to be a couple with his once more. So much had taken place in her life that she just felt numb and no matter what she did to try and ease the grief, it wouldn't subside. It wouldn't budge and Swantail was stuck with her head in the past, regretting the decision to leave him in the first place after they had lost their children. She longed to see her kits once again, just one more time, to be able to hold them close to her and tell them she loved them. Never had she been given that chance and it was something she missed dearly, even if she'd never known how it felt to mother them and take care of them. They had died a long time before they should have done and often did she wonder if it was something she had done that caused their passing.
Maybe if she hadn't told her mate she wanted a break from him after her kits had died, she could have had another litter. They wouldn't replace her dead children but they would have helped her to recover. When they played she could have imagined they were with their big brothers and sisters. She could have looked at where she believed their spirits would be sitting and chuckled at her babies' funny antics. Now she would never get to watch a litter grow up. Swantail had ruined all of her chances and she would spend the rest of her life alone.
It was hard not to think about everything she'd thrown away. She had been lying in her nest for hours with it going around her head, as it often did. After a while she decided it was time to clear her head and she walked out into the camp, sitting down and looking around, not uttering a single word.
